What's in the underbelly?

Every so often I start to become aware of an energy that is driving me from underneath.

I know this because I can start to feel irritated, or distracted, uncertain and I also notice there is a buzz that is feeling its way into my thoughts and into my mind.

I recognize these moments as something that is stirring and shifting underneath the belly of what is being orchestrated in my life. The discomfort or unease – and also the other energies around that – are making me aware of it so I can tune in.

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I have been thinking a lot about my purpose lately.

Each year as I look to a new cycle I get curious as to how I can more deeply claim my work in the world. Where can I expand? What else is calling me?

There is an underbelly of energy that is saying to me, "Pay attention to your alignment, follow your truth and don’t be afraid to change courses."

I have felt the edges blurring around me lately when it comes to thinking and feeling into my spaces, where things want to shift, what wants to be let go of, what wants to be called in.

Our underbelly is our driver that we must pay attention and listen to, even when we are scared and uncertain of where it will lead us.

If you stopped for a moment to listen to the buzz, to get curious about the irritation and where it was coming from, to hear where the undercurrent of your life and energy are wanting to guide you, what would you feel or what would you notice or hear?

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I have spent some time, since landing home from my week away from the Island, getting curious as to what this energy is that I feel.

I may not know exactly where this energy is leading me, i just know it feels like my engines are getting warmed up and revving up to take me somewhere that I might be a afraid to go but will no doubt lead me to where my intentions are wanting and needing to land.

What I do know and what I can share with you as this steeps a little further:

There is always more space for us to grow into our purpose, always more room for us to really anchor into the potential of our possibility and leadership, whether we think we are ready for it or not, or we are worthy of it or that it can be that blissful and simple to follow.

Be curious as to where you might be holding that energy in. If you notice the irritation sometimes it is because we are ignoring the underbelly and where it is wanting to guide us.

Let it loose, trust will it will lead you, be open to its guidance and don’t ignore what is being shaped underneath you, because it is taking you exactly where you are wanting to go.

Love,
Your coach and guide,
Hillary

When Spirit Speaks, You Listen.

The space we held for our beloved mare this week was sacred. 

We learn each time we go through the passage of death with one of our equine beloved partners.

We get to deepen into a different perspective of how to hold and be in relationship with it.

This week was no different.

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I did a video today in our Soul Group. You can watch that here. I spoke about the energies that cycled through and the symbolism of it and what Honey shared with us as we held space for her transition.

If you can’t watch the video, here is our summary of it.

Spirit is everyone and is speaking to you, if you ask and if you listen.

I always like to ask for signs. Even though I believe in this, there is still a part of me that is searching for proof in spirit, that I am not crazy, that there is a deeper space being held.

What we created space for with Honey was no different. Eagles came, at least 4 of them, and in Native American symbolism eagle medicine is associated with great spirit.

A hawk circled above us as well, a sign for divine messenger.

And there was a palpable energy of being enveloped in what I would call deep peace and love as we said our goodbyes.

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There are many ways spirit speaks to us, trying to give us roadmaps and guidances along the way, but we have to be open to hearing them, receiving them and asking for them.

And also this side note…

Even if you do believe it is ok for you to sometimes need a sign as a reminder, we are human and forget like that.

And what Honey shared with us on our last day was an emphasis of how important it is for us to hold space for purpose, to not settle for anything less than where dreams are taking us and to believe deeply in our capacity to hold that.

Trust that there is a divine plan but know you must engage with it in order for it to manifest into your world. This is the time to really look at where you are hiding your dreams, stuffing them or fearing what if they don’t come true.

What if they do?

Let this nudge be the permission you need to go there. Ask spirit for a sign that you are being guided in the direction of purpose and whatever else you are seeking.

Remember you have wings and get out there and fly.

Love,
Your coach and guide,
Hillary

What Are You Choosing?

A word about choosing.

I had several conversations with clients and future clients about the choices we empower in our lives.

When we are trying to decide what is the “right” thing to do and we are looking for signs to decide, how do we know what choice is the one the we should choose?

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An exercise:

I don’t think that our choices are really about what is right or wrong, but more about whether we are in alignment or not.

And how do we know we are in our alignment? 

We first have to identify and decide what that is.

When I am feeling uncertain about something, whether that is about a life decision or a business decision, one of the things I often come back to is this:

Where is my alignment? If I am feeling murky about it, then I need to create time and space to get clear on what I am feeling murky about.

Where I start…

What feels like a really good space for my to lead from right now?

What am I wanting to empower in my life and how I want to feel?

Do I want things to feel spacious, or full, or both?

Do I seek ease and softness, or am I wanting the hustle and fast and exciting adventures of life?

Am I wanting positivity and soulful relationships that feel empowering to me?

Am I wanting a deeper space of purpose to hold around myself?

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And another place of intention.

What is my soul wanting for me?

We can often try to make choices from our minds or fears not realizing it but whatever we spend time in we are essentially choosing.

Something I like to be thoughtful for myself and holding space to seek out in silence:

What am I truly desiring for myself and my life right now?

And then I write and I create clarity around what alignment feels to me in the moment and from there I can make a decision.

Sometimes when the decision is feeling murky it is because the alignment isn’t there.

Seek first the alignment and then align your choices to that place.

Uncertainty can just be pointing us towards choosing the clarity we wish to hold for ourselves and the place we want to create from.

Try that and see if choosing becomes a little bit more easier to lean into.

Love,
Your coach and guide,
Hillary

What Is Your Soul Calling You To Do?

We walk around as human beings occupying mostly the thoughts that originate in our minds. We consume our time and energy with worry and fear of future or past. We are overwhelmed with information that comes at us all the time.

A pause…

Do you make time and space to commune with your soul?

A story…

6 years ago I made the move across the country to move to British Columbia.

In 2005, almost twelve years ago, I walked away from a career that I thought I was meant for to move from west back home to east.

These two significant moves have something in common.

They were soul driven.

So was the desire to plunge full out into being an entrepreneur, using everything I had in trust to finance a purpose and calling of my soul's work.

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In 2005, after spending 2 years in the horse breeding industry, I found myself feeling numb. A dream I had carried for 8 years to be a horse breeder was slipping away from me, causing immense pain to my sanity and my own wellbeing.

I remember reading Wayne Dyer's Manifest Your Destiny, struggling with what to do. I was stubborn in the sense I didn’t want to walk away from this path. That was what I had dedicated a majority of my life on over the last 8 years of my life.

I remember waking up one morning with crystal clarity that I needed to move back east and go to work for my grandfather who had been begging me to come and work at the family steel business.

I remember calling my parents and telling them I was going to be moving home. They weren’t super excited about the idea of going to work for my grandfather but something in me said to go.

So I did.

I sobbed my entire drive back east, driving up to 14 hours a day to get home.

I got home and spent 2 weeks in bed depressed, feeling lost and uncertain of my path for the first time in a long time – an unfamiliar feeling to me.

Life carried on. Breadcrumbs happened. I found my way to the space I hold with horses now and at the beginning of 2011 I felt the stirring once again.

Go west…

I had a strong feeling that I had to be there, visions and a pull to be in a place that spoke to my soul. So I started creating the space for that to happen.

I did a vision a board. I started planted seeds. Went out to BC for a visit to try to figure out where I would land.

And then 8 months later in September of 2011, I drove west to BC.

Because my soul told me to.

I had no job, no idea why and, in transparency, through the pull I fought with it.

I was terrified. 

About 3 weeks before I left I was at a friend's house and I was still thinking I was crazy to leave. Why move west? What was there for me, and move with a horse and 3 month old dog?

But I did because I felt the pull.

And I got out here and I fell apart. If I didn’t have animals I would have fallen into a place of depression again. I didn’t know anyone. I didn’t have a source of income. I was living in a basement suite. I had no idea of anything.

I got stalked by blue herons for the first month I lived out here.

And then things unfolded and 9 months later I was leasing a 17.5 acre property to go full-time into making my dream of having a retreat space work.

And I leapt into that because I could feel in my soul the rightness of it.

And it was really hard.

I had no idea how to run a business. I had zero comfort level around being seen. I had minimal belief in my capacity to hold space for anything beyond my horses. I was afraid. I had no idea how to create solid boundaries for myself. I went into debt. I feared for myself.

Here is what I want to share with you...

Our soul calls us forward to things, not because they are going to be “easy” or unfold beautifully all the time or they won’t test us.

Our soul calls us forward because it can see and it knows the strength that we possess to step into our purpose and towards a more authentic way of living.

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I have been angry at my soul at times, at the universe too, for putting me in situations that felt really hard, for planting a seed or an idea in my head only for it to not go as planned.

Debt, betrayal, hurt, loss, struggle.

It all happened alongside a crystal clear calling that said this is where you are meant to be.

Our soul doesn’t walk us into paradise without us having to grow, that is not its job.

Its job is to know the pathway that I believe have mapped out somewhere in our consciousness that says this is what I want to experience, this is purpose and then we must go on the journey of it.

I can remember last year having a meltdown 6 months after buying this beautiful ranch and it wasn’t going well.

Doubt crippled me. Fear and the belief of the complete insanity of having a million dollar mortgage and what the heck was I thinking. Having to hold space for the responsibility of the this space, losing one of my beloved equine partners, it was really hard.

And I was really angry.

I remember having this meltdown and I could almost sense my soul and my peeps looking down on me and I felt this awareness while I was in my tears and my why did you do this to me.

And I could feel the essence of myself say:

We are not worried.

And I got this image of being like 2 steps beyond the finish line. I was having a meltdown without having even been on the journey for that long.

I took two steps and I had a hissy fit.

Now it felt like a really real hissy fit with really real things to worry about, but I really got the confidence my own being had in me in that moment.

Like, we are not worried about you because we know there are things you are gaining from this, wisdom, strength, and building a foundation that is going to hold something beautiful that you have no idea about yet.

I have this horse, Jet. 

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He is a tall big bay standardbred. Jet is a significant horse for me.

When I first saw this property that I am on, there were 18 horses here. I knew there were 4 that would be staying with me and I had no idea which 4 they were.

So I decided to let the horses tell me. I went and sat at the opposite end of the field and I said, "Who is meant to be here?"

Jet picked up his big head and walked right over to me, grabbed my hat and started to yawn and lick and chew.

Super obvious.

As I left the ranch that day I remember feeling overwhelmed with the enormity of this place and this dream and here came this big beautiful horse with this energy of complete confidence and possibility.

I felt this energy from him:

"Why are you doubting yourself so much? You can manifest this."

And I did manifest it and I am still here manifesting this.

I want to tell you something about the calling of our souls.

It doesn’t always come in a pretty package with an instruction manual.

It doesn’t always come basked in the most easiest of experiences.

But it does give us a deep space of growth where we are given the capacity to reach into and rise into something that is what we are asking for.

On a deep level, we are asking for it.

Fulfillment, purpose, growth, abundance, it is in the undercurrent of our desires.

Our soul answers because it knows what we are capable of.

But we have to choose to seek out that voice and listen to it.

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I will tell you the hardest battle I have ever had was to wage war against my own fears and internal voices.

That told me it was too much, I couldn’t do it, I didn’t have anything to offer, I wasn’t enough, it would never work.

Where fear and the vision of loss would haunt me each morning that I woke up.

Lately my soul has been reminding me again that it is always a choice we have, to let our souls lead us and then continue to let it guide us forward.

Beyond our shaky ground of doubts and insecurities, beyond what we see on the surface, beyond the things we have to grow through it sees our potential our capacity and is always encouraging us along the way.

It is not our default to always be tapped into the higher calling of our soul, but perhaps it should be.

Just in case you needed to be reminded.

The Space of Courage

Before I speak to the space of courage, I first want to speak to the medicine of horses.

Not all of you in my tribe are horse people, but are drawn to being here because you resonate with what I share, the energy of horses and perhaps are curious as to why that is.

Horses are a medicine. Medicine is a term that is from the Native American tradition where they honor and seek out the symbolism and life around everything that crosses into their path and their way on their journey.

Horses, I believe, carry the medicine of consciousness and awareness. They are both spiritually rooted and grounded animals helping us to be more connected to both a greater consciousness of spirit and be deeply grounded and present in life.

In symbolism, horses carry the archetype of power, freedom and travel. When they show up, I believe it is an encouragement for us to explore the uses of our power, the expression of our authentic self and moving into that place of both inner and outer exploration.

They are carriers for us to be reminded of our purpose, to be awakened and reminded of the truth of who we are and remember what we are capable of stepping into.

They help us become more conscious and aware human beings, holding space for us to overcome the spaces of limitations and self doubt that we hold that prevent us from living in deep alignment with our true essence.

And now onto courage…

We welcomed a beautiful new medicine horse into our herd last Sunday.

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We first heard about him on Facebook, his story being circulated around the SPCA, rescued from behind the fire lines during the BC wildfires. Him and his buddy were rescued and discovered to be in a state of neglect, barely able to walk.

We felt the connection to him immediately, as did many others because we were tagged multiple times with his story and so we adopted him and gave him the medicine name of Malachi.

On a side note we have created a space for people to be more deeply connected to his journey here if they choose to be. You can find out more about that in this link

His medicine name of Malachi means my angel, or my messenger in Hebrew.

When we first connected to him, we could almost feel and see his wings, we felt deeply he carried almost an angelic presence to him, powerful, soft and divine.

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His medicine is a reminder for us of what we carry within us. We are all messengers of some form, of purpose, or of light, we can speak to ourselves as lightworkers, as purpose maker, space holders that are called to share, to serve deeply with our chosen tribes.

Being a messenger doesn’t always take a form of being a teacher, or a leader, or a facilitator, but sometimes it does.

His message in particular with the space of courage is to perhaps open up the space to acknowledge that maybe we are meant to create a bigger or deeper space so our medicine and message can make its way out into the world.

Let me share something with you…

I imagine those of you that follow me believe that I came to this path perhaps naturally, that I am confident in my purpose and the spaces I hold and always wished to hold them.

I will tell you that isn’t true…

There was always a drive for purpose and meaning, but it was not until the recent 7 years that I really started to think or entertain the idea that would be more out in the world.

I didn’t always recognize the dream or the seed of being a teacher or space holder. My ambition was not always to be a mentor, or a coach. I wanted to create impact, but I have not always seen myself as a leader of anything.

My horses and this path of purpose has encouraged and opened me up to this.

I am not here to just play around with my purpose and message, or softly put some words out here or there.

My ambition or my connection to the space of being a teacher or mentor, or guide is this:

I want to deeply honor the fullness of the path that my purpose is asking me to step into.

I want to be able to acknowledge and see myself through the purity of what I am here to do, not through my fear or where ego is wanting to guide me.

Many of my clients when they come to me or when they join my tribe come with some desire and a vision to share gifts, a seed of purpose they feel but they don’t always recognize, or see themselves in a true light.

They struggle with the ability to see their own medicine or to step into the spaces they are destined to lead (and I do mean destined).

It takes great courage for us to take flight into the spaces of leadership that call us, to witness ourselves as powerful carriers of a message and give room and permission to where that inner space of being a lightworker and a carrier of purpose is calling to us.

What I speak to doesn’t mean that you must have ambition to have a big following, or be a bestseller, or to lead thousands… and also why not?

What it does mean….

Let yourself be open to the idea that your work is meant to be bigger than what you are holding it to be right now, even if you can’t see it.

I have watched the women in my circle grow into their spaces and leadership, now they tell me I get what you were seeing all along, I see that now.

They are stepping into holding the space of their message and medicine in ways they didn’t even imagine possible or wouldn’t think they could step into.

But they did.

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Courage means we let our wings do the flying instead of dictating to them where they can and cannot fly.

Courage means we stay open, we entertain the fact that our perception of ourselves and our purpose is perhaps not what we believe to be.

We allow for a greater energy to guide us, giving permission to what the potential of our paths could be.

Courage means we don’t shut ourselves off to our own gifts, we don’t say no when we are called to lead something or step into it more fully.

Courage means we give space to the curiosity of moving beyond the fears that keep us stuck and we let ourselves expand beyond the limitations of self.

The medicine of courage coupled with a nudge to witness yourself more deeply rooted in the space of you are a messenger with something of value and medicine to share, and to go there.

Courage gives our wings the fuel to take flight, to soar to greater heights and be fully open to magic that life has to give to us, and our contribution to it.

And if you find yourself reading this and are feeling the resonance of the words and are ready to step into that flight, to explore what medicine and spaces you are being asked to step into and take the journey of courage to step into it...

I created a beautiful container with the intention to give you the clarity, the confidence, the ease and also the abundance that comes along with us honoring our deep calling in the world both in the space of what we have to offer others and the growth we must go through to hold it.

4 spaces remain. Apply for one of the remaining spaces here.

Otherwise…

Allow this beautiful, gentle, and powerful horse give you a taste of a medicine so you can step more fully into the expression and meaning of you.

Lots of love, Soul Tribe.

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