Your Purpose is Bigger Than You Think It Is.

I journeyed with a woman with the horses today and at the end of our session she said this to me…

My vision is so much bigger than I thought it was. I thought when I came here today that I had nothing to say or work through. I had no idea.

Our session and our time together over the last few months has been about her stepping into holding the magnitude of her work, but today that vision got bigger.

And as she left our retreat space, I told her, You wouldn’t be here if you weren’t ready for expansion and that is what you want.

It is what I want, she said.

We have an idea of ourselves that is filtered through our ego, our false self, and it likes to paint a picture or try to figure out how things are going to go.

If I have learned anything on this journey of purpose it is this:

We cannot dictate to purpose what it is going to be. We can’t control it and we are not always going to be able to comprehend it.

It is not our job to be the dictators of our visions.

And we can’t trust our perception of what we think we are meant for.

Three and a half years ago, a 1.2 million dollar, 80-acre property showed up in my inbox.

My first thought was, there is no way.

It’s too big, it’s too much, I can’t.

Another voice said, if it is here, you can.

To rewind a bit... The year this ranch showed up I made an intention to myself, to be open to the fullest capacity of what was available to me.

I didn’t know what that was. I didn’t have a clear picture of it. I didn’t have a vision, but I had an intention and I had an affirmation and invitation to go bigger.

And I did.

And the manifestation of that invitation was this ranch.

Many people around me said this to me.

It’s too big; it’s too much. You can’t do it on your own, as a single young woman. It was a lot.

But a deeper voice in me said, if it is here, it is because you are meant for it.

I believe our purpose and our visions for our life have an energy of its own. If we can allow it to dictate to us, if we can be open to it, and let the energy of it guide us, great things can manifest.

We don’t have the purity, the knowing, the intelligence that is greater than the energy of our purpose or the universe that supports us.

When we try to control, we are limiting ourselves.

I didn’t have any idea how I was going to pull off buying a million dollar property, or really continue to sustain it.

I have a large overhead. There are many pieces of responsibility that I have to carry, and it is overwhelming a lot of the times to know how I am going to do that, without killing myself or feeling the burden of it.

However, when I drop into the knowing that there is a deeper energy that guides us, that our purpose is found in the expansion of allowing ourselves to be open to what it is, I somehow pull it off.

Your purpose is an energy. It is bigger, more expansive, more powerful than you realize, and probably, than you can wrap your head around.

You don’t have to know what it is to be open to it.

And then there is this piece...

For many of us, we give power to the thoughts of smallness, all the reasons why we can’t do something---it’s not possible, the perfection of we lack the time, the resources, the ability to step into what is deeply calling to us.

I didn’t have a million dollars in my bank when I purchased this property.

I didn’t have the support when I stepped into this dream and said yes to it.

I haven’t always had what I needed when something showed up in my world or I felt the intuition to move towards it.

But when I took a step, and trusted the part of me that said this is for me, things shifted to allow it to happen.

Sometimes we have this perception that we need to be on the need to know basis of how life is working for us.

But the magic is in the trusting of where we are being led and guided by a deeper energy.

Your purpose is that to you. It is a force to be reckoned with. It has its own space. It is powerful. and it is clear. You just have to get out of the way to allow it.

Be open to the magnitude of what is in store for you even if you can’t figure out the why of it, or how. Just allow it.

The voices that tell you not too, or it’s not safe, or you can’t are not speaking truths.

Listen to the deeper voice and let purpose dictate what it wants to be for you.

This share is deepening into an invitation, if it calls to you, to join me on a 10 month journey of awakening and creating through purpose. This journey is for women that are ready to claim the essence of their purpose more deeply in the world and finally move through the fear and doubts that keeps them stuck and small.

If you are a woman that knows there is bigger work she is meant to do in the world...

If you feel that deep nudge that now is the time to step into that work...

If you are looking for a container that holds the space of purpose holistically and intuitively without missing the practical pieces of how we align and build ourselves around our visions...

If you are drawn to the wisdom and medicine of horses and are curious about what they have to bring to you...

I would love to invite you to join me in this 10 month program. We begin in March. Applications are now open and there are 5 spaces available.

If you are seeking clarity of purpose, expansion of vision, ownership of gifts and the building of something around it that is held in a way that deeply aligns to how you create in the world...

This container is for you.

Our encouragement: if your intuition is speaking to you to explore, listen to that and apply. We are not led and nudged to places that don't belong or speak to us.

Applying for a space does not obligate you to join me, however it does open up the conversation for you of what is possible and what is calling to you.

If you are curious or feel nudged to step into journeying with the horses and myself, follow the link below to read more about this space and apply to join us.

Women Who Run with Horses: 10 Month Mastermind

If you simply needed a reminder to be open to the magnitude of what could be available for you...

Take in this message and allow the medicine of it to add to your expansion. And if it lands for you or you know of someone who will resonate with the message, please share.

Love your coach and guide,

Hillary


Dancing with Our Dark Horse

Last night was the blood full moon, and the day before, I watched two of my horses play that I had never seen engage before.

A message emerged that I wanted to speak and share with you today about our ability to dance with our shadows.

We are human, and being human, part of the navigation of our world is learning how to be in relationship with all aspects of ourselves, embracing them as purely as we can embrace the good things.

Perhaps, I am not unlike you. I have been a seeker of my own truth and potential for most of my life, and as someone who considers herself to be “spiritual”, I didn't give myself much room for making mistakes or tolerance for my own humanity.

I lacked compassion for myself, in my flaws and mistakes. I made myself wrong for the things I didn’t know how to do or the suffering I put myself through.

Horses have taught me much, but one of the most empowering lessons they taught me was about the acceptance of who I am at the core of me.

To be neutral without judgement when I am looking at myself, and in this way, it has given me courage to lift back the veils to be witness of myself in new ways, and have the ability to see my humanity through a new lens.

I believe that courage comes when we are able to witness ourselves without judgement, but with kindness. Dancing with our shadows and the parts of ourselves that we are not always comfortable with means that we are moving with them the same way we move with the parts of ourselves that we love.

When we hold judgement on ourselves, when we are harsh with how we witness and hold ourselves in the world, we are not allowing ourselves the pathways to experiencing our true nature or moving beyond where we feel stuck in our own way.

Our shadows, our fears are part of us. I remember, years ago, when I was first getting into the space of personal growth, I had this belief that I had to get rid of all that, death to the ego! And so when I caught myself there I would be harsh and judgmental and fearful of being in that space.

I realized years later it is not realistic for me to “rid” myself of these parts of myself. Also, they have wisdom and purpose as well. So I changed my relationship to I will embrace these parts of myself. I will dance with them and witness them the same way I do the other pieces of myself.

I will tell you why this is an important message.

When we want to shift beyond our own place of doubt, fear, wounds, the judgement of them is not healing them, It is creating more energy around them so we get stuck.

If you want to shift something within you, you have to embrace that it is there. Be gentle and curious about what it is offering you and how you can your perspective shift around it.

I am human and I always will be.

I have fears and doubts. I have places of wounding and shadows like everyone else. They travel with me. Sometimes they create space where I can’t move, and other times, they bring me into deeper alignment with myself.

But I no longer hate them, or resent them, or pretend they are not there, or ignore their presence within me.

This weekend, as I watched two of my horses dancing together, Jet and Indra, who have not done that before... Jet can be a bit of a bully with other horses. Sometimes the other geldings won’t play with him because they don’t trust his intention, but there was Indra dancing and playing with him. And I got that he knows in his wisdom how to be with that energy. Jet has purpose too in his assertive and sometimes “Aggressive” energy. He has taught me the lesson of not judging the things I am uncomfortable with, but instead seeing the medicine in it.

He is learning too, as we are. He is also evolving, and as I watched these two horses play and run and kick up their heels, I witnessed something in that.

I can change the relationship with the parts of me that I don’t always like if I learn how to dance with them in new ways, and then, instead of them feeling like they are pricking me or part of my flawed nature I can instead integrate them into new places within myself.

If this resonates with you..

Look to where you are pushing away parts of you, uncomfortable with your flaws, judging yourself for your mistakes and if you could embrace them instead, as part of you, dance with them in a place of compassion and gentleness, and see how things soften around them.

We create space when we do this, and the unconditional embracing of who we are becomes a powerful medicine that we give to ourselves, and also to others, and to our path.

An invitation to you to dance with your dark parts in a different way, hold them in a different light and witness what happens when you do.

Love your coach and guide,

Hillary

P.S. A reminder for my women entrepreneurs: On Wednesday, I am holding space for a free virtual retreat to speak about the journey of creating success around our gifts and empowering our vision of creating a practice around our purpose. If you are stuck, or feeling overwhelmed in any pieces of growing or starting your business of purpose, come join me.

The Business Mastery Virtual Retreat

And for those that are moved to join us in the space of horse medicine, our retreats are now open for enrollment. If you are seeking a space of retreat for yourself, to grow into clarity of purpose, moving past fears and being held in the deep space of horse wisdom, we would love welcome you to the retreat this year.

Check out our retreat page here.



Why It's So Hard for Us to Claim Our Clarity

Why is it so hard for us to claim our clarity?

To witness where we know the answers to our questions?

To hold the space of empowerment over what we know to be true within ourselves?

Why does this sometimes feel like the most impossible task to hold for ourselves?

In many of the conversations I have with other women whom I mentor and coach, one of the very first pieces that they come to me about is this...

I am not clear.

I don’t know the way forward.

I don’t know what my purpose is.

I don’t know where to shift in my business.

I lack clarity.

I will tell you that, most often, it is not the case that they don’t have clarity on their path, or direction, or what they are being asked to claim in their lives.

Most of the time, it is because fear is in the undercurrent of their quest, and their fear is masking as confusion, making it hard to step into where they do have clarity.

It is hard for us to claim our clarity because we are scared of the implications that will happen when we do.

We are afraid it might mean we have to actually take action when we have been procrastinating.

Or let go of a vision or relationship what wasn’t meant to be.

We lack faith in our ability to build anew, change directions, and to trust that whatever we are being asked to step away from, dismantle, or move towards will be exactly what we need and what will bring us closer to what we desire for ourselves, our life and our professional spaces.

As human beings, we are afraid of change. We like to stay safe, in our comfort zones, and be in control of how things are.

We don’t like facing our fears. We tend to move away from discomfort, and shy away from growth because we assume it is going to take us on a dark road where there will be more confusion and chaos.

Here is the truth…

The hardest part is the process in which we go from fear to empowerment.

When our thoughts get in the way and build up a story and a drama of how things are going to go...

When we let fear dictate what we know, or how we pursue our journeys, we are staying safe in a space that is not meant for where we are going.

It is hard for us to claim our clarity in these moments because we lack trust in ourselves, in the greater plan, and our ability to step through the channel of discomfort.

Here are some words of wisdom I wish to give you today...

Discomfort is not going to kill you. It feels uncomfortable but staying in the place of confusion is going to cause you more grief than moving through it.

You know. Clarity lives within you. It is just buried under the fear right now. Confusion is a mask of fear. Let’s own that. It is not that you don't know.

Whatever challenge or obstacle you need to move through to get to your clarity, or to empower it will not conquer you. We find and remember our strength when we face opportunities to grow. Don’t let the fear keep you in a place of bypassing the discovery of your own strength and walking the path that is calling you forward.

It is going to be ok. Whatever change is being asked of you, know that we are never moved in a direction unless we are capable of holding it, or if it wasn’t what we were asking for on a deeper level.

Your relationships will survive. You will be loved. People will embrace you and there will be those who will celebrate you as you leap towards the clarity that is driving you forward.

Seek out spaces the remind yourself of your courage, which holds you accountable to your bravery, and do not allow yourself to let the fear take you in circles away from where you are clear. Mentorship, community, friendships. Settle into them. Let them feed you and lean into the spaces of support that you have.

A brief story and example of what I am speaking to here...

I had a woman journey with me for 6 months and that included a 3 day retreat with the horses. She came to us because she felt lackluster in her business and was uncertain about a new direction.

She was unaware of her strengths and not sure of where she was wanting to evolve in her vision. She just knew she was stuck and dissatisfied with what the current landscape of her business looked like.

On her arrival at our retreat center, we sat down on the porch outside the lodge and had a conversation.

I like to allow people to speak organically and pay attention to what comes up for them. She started to share her vision of her work, the legacy she wanted to build, excitement building as she did.

I smiled to myself as she spoke and then I turned to her and said this…

So you are clear.

She chuckled a little back to me. She was in fact deeply certain of her way forward.

So what’s the issue, I asked her, and then, the truth came out.

She was afraid that where she wanted to evolve in her practice was not going to manifest the way she envisioned.

She was afraid that the clients she was dreaming of working with didn’t exist.

She doubted herself in being able to hold the spaces of her work that felt deeply connected to.

She was clear and she was afraid.

Over the course of 6 months, I held her in her clarity, the transformation of her work. We navigated beyond her fears. She changed the model of her business and stepped into creating through the vision of her clarity.

What happened?

She found her passion in her work again. She attracted new clients. She added the escape of horses alongside her own work. This was a dream of hers to bring horses into what she did with clients.

She had her best first quarter in business, rebranded herself to a greater authenticity and found the realignment of her work.

There is a deep simplicity to the undercurrent of where we get stuck.

It is this…

We are afraid.

To make the change, to follow our path, to honor our congruency and say yes to where a part of ourselves is directing us to create through another certainty and power in our work.

If you find yourself resonating with this, take some time to be with this...

What is the clarity I am afraid of claiming?

What part of me knows that it is safe for me to claim my clarity?

And what are the first steps to take towards it?

If you resonate with this post, I would love for you to share it. If you would like to join our community, Member Vault, where I share a free resource library, you can do so here.

If you are a purpose driven visionary or entrepreneur that is seeking a space to be held in your clarity as you move into bigger spaces of your leadership and vision, and are looking for a place to be held in accountability in that, and are drawn and curious about the containers we hold for our community, connect with us here.

Wishing you deep courage to claim all the you are certain of.

Love your coach and guide,

Hillary

Three Years Later

December 18th, 2015.

That is the date I moved myself, 9 horses, 2 dogs and 6 chickens four hours away to interior British Columbia, up a mountain, to an 80-acre retreat ranch.

It was in the dead of winter. My horses arrived in the pitch black, and so began our journey to our new home and a dream of mine that I held since I was a young girl.

To rewind a little bit…

In 2015, this beautiful ranch showed up in my inbox. I was not seriously considering buying property, but one look at this facility and I knew this was something special.

 
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It also was a vision from my dreams as a young girl---a retreat center, with land for my horses, 80 acres, a creek, a beautiful lodge and place where people could stay.

I was starstruck.

It also came with a 1.2 million dollar price tag. But as someone who believes in going big for your dreams, I said yes to tryin. The ranch became officially ours in October of 2015.

When I moved to this property, I had lofty goals and dreams. I was naive in many ways, and also prepared for the stretch that would happen of being here.

But I wasn’t truly prepared for what would occur over these 3 years.

On the eve before my 3rd year anniversary, I wanted to share some reflections, of what happened after I bought the ranch, how the progression is going, and any wisdom I can hold, and also, celebrate for myself.

Year 1:

I wrote a blog about this year. It was the hardest year of my life. I was not prepared for starting a new business, hiring staff, taking on so much more than I could have anticipated.

My bills mounted. One of my beloved horse partners died somewhat traumatically. My adrenals went into fatigue and I got run over by one of my horses.

I lost myself in fear and doubt. I suffered anxiety and panic attacks, and it was everything I could do to survive.

It was a year where I doubted myself more than I ever have in my life. I worried that I wouldn’t be able to carry the vision of this place forward and I would fail in my attempt.

To read more about that reflection you can go here.

 
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Year 2:

Year two was about refinement, listening more deeply to my own instincts, coming into a place where I knew nothing about the hospitality business. I lost my confidence in my own internal knowing.

Year two, I found my way back to my intuition, to empowering my strengths and moving beyond what my difficulties, instead of treading water to try to keep my head above it. I found my legs and the space where I almost enjoyed the growth of what this space was asking me to step into.

The business grew. We were still way off our goals, but there was some hope beginning to emerge. My health was slowly starting to recover, more horses found homes with us, and we begun to find that pathway back to the vision that began our journey in the first place.

And here we are at year 3.

This past year was one where we are beginning to see what happens when you commit and stay in a journey and signs of a new life. More growth has happened.

We have officially hit 6 figures in our hospitality business, and although that doesn’t reflect complete profit, it was a huge milestone for us to hit.

Something that I was reflecting on as the overarching journey of these 3 years and the 3 years before was this... We all have different strengths. I am not the most business savvy person, or that is the belief I hold on myself.

I am a dreamer, a pursuer of purpose. I am deeply committed to my growth as a human being and as a leader.

I am passionate about the work I do. I am stubborn, intuitive, and I believe in the power and capacity of who we are as humans.

I am a big picture person, a visionary, an empath, introvert.

There are things that I am also really weak at.

 
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The last 3 years have illuminated my weaknesses deeply, where I still have places to grow, where I still allow my fears to take hold over me, but it has also really allowed me the experience of how important it was for me to know my strengths, and to put them to use.

Sometimes, the illusions that we paint for ourselves (and this has absolutely been true for me) is this...

We have to be perfect at everything. We can’t make mistakes. We have to know every single detail of how.

We tend to look at and focus on our flaws, where we are not measuring up, where we perceive failure, instead of really nurturing what we have done.

I will share with you one of the hardest and most powerful things I have done in my time here.

Self forgiveness.

I had to let go of the picture I had painted for myself, the goals I had set that I failed to reach and the story and shame I made up around that it meant I was a failure and I disappointed people.

My first year, I carried a lot of shame and guilt because I didn’t think I was living up to the idea or vision I had of myself and this place. And instead, I was drowning in the responsibility and reality of operating two business, a herd of horses, myself, staff, clients, paying the bills as a single young woman.

I put tremendous amounts of pressure on myself to achieve something I thought was doable, that of course I could step into, and when I discovered it was really way harder than I thought, I lost myself in the space of disappointment and failure.

 
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The last two years and especially this one, the majority of my work has been about letting go of those burdens, those falsehoods, those appearances of failure because I am not where I wanted to be, and I feel as though I am failing more than I am succeeding.

Internally I had to choose. I recognized I cannot carry the heaviness of my own weakness with me, the shame that I am carrying as a way to continue to perpetuate my idea of being responsible for what I perceive as mistakes, and choose instead, a place of peace and empowerment and forgiveness.

And then there was this one...

I am the eldest child. For as long as I could remember, I have had this belief system that I have to do it alone, that I am responsible for everything, which has been my pride and also my burden.

It has felt like it carried me at times and crippled me.

I discovered when I bought this place that the operating system I had around carrying things on my own was not going to work here.

I had to let go that it wasn’t just about me. I wasn’t the only one holding this space and to surrender to the help I had both with people in my life, and also in my own connection to my spiritual guides.

I had to dismantle the idea of who I thought I needed to be, that instead of helping me empower my vision was weighing me down so much I was forgetting who I was and the part of me that knew I can succeed in this space.

This year has been at most, a deep reflection internally, where I examined, let go of, and reclaimed pieces of myself that have been lost along the way. Pieces that were built up as a form of self-protection but was inhibiting me from my success. I had to strip away the ideas of who I thought I was and what I thought I could do.

I shed layers. I cried, I wrote, I danced and I rediscovered pieces of myself that I forget where there.

I forgave myself and I forgave others. I practiced kindness. I took better care of my health. I stepped into my power and my vision. I set boundaries. I created through my own depth and I found my way back to the authentic voice of myself that brought me to this place to begin with.

It is not an easy path for us when we really, really go for our dreams and the big things that we feel called to do.

It’s not easy for us to take honest reflections of ourselves, to let go of things that don’t serve us, to change.

It is uncomfortable for us to witness who we are in our strengths, to follow our intuition even when life is telling us something else, to be courageous in holding the vision and staying the course when we don’t see things falling into place the way we want.

It’s hard to pick ourselves up from failures, to keep trying even when we don’t think we can, to rebuild after devastation and failure, to admit we were wrong, to find wisdom in our mistakes.

But we can.

This journey these last 3 years has taught me more than I think most of my life has. It has brought me to my knees. It has stripped me of everything I thought I knew and had, but it also brought me back to myself and made me stronger.

I can feel the wisdom that has happened, the strength that has been forged. I can witness the impact of my stay for myself and for others.

And in that space, I have proven to myself especially that indeed, I have the strength and capacity to build, sustain and grow the things I feel moved to do in my lifetime.

 
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If I could offer you anything in this post, it is this...

There is a part of you that may not believe that you have what it takes.

That you are not ready or prepared.

That you don’t have the strength to empower your vision or build your empire, or the purpose that speaks deeply to you.

But there is a part of you that knows better, and sometimes, the things that challenge us are there because it is paving the doorway for us to find that in ourselves.

Ask yourself…

What is the invitation?

What is this experience bringing me closer to? What do I need to shed? Where can I let go of where I am holding myself hostage to how I think this needs to be, or who I think I need to embody to succeed?

Be courageous enough to forgive yourself. Let go of the shame and know that no matter how things appear on the surface something else is occurring behind it that is reflecting another truth.

No one said it would be easy.

But we can find ease in the journey, stay the course, and see what happens when we do.

Don’t be afraid of discomfort. Lean into the growth, surround yourself with positive energy and people that believe in you, and don’t quit before the miracle occurs.

I am 35 years old. I would not have thought, or believed I would be where I am today. When I broaden my vision I witness the impact of my gifts, the homes I have given to horses, the changes I have made in my clients, the inspiration that has happened from sharing my journey.

I have built two six figures businesses not thinking I knew anything about anything.

I lead with my intuition. I know who I am in the world. I am starting to remember the depth of my power and my gifts and this space (although not always an easy one for me to be in) has given me that gift.

An invitation…

If you are reading this, I hope this has inspired the journey in you. Truly what we shift within ourselves holds massive implications in our world, and our world gives us the catalyst to take that journey. Hold yourself with care as you are in it.

And then…

Part of our work in the world is holding space for other visionaries on a similar journey, supporting them in coming back to themselves, anchoring into their leadership, finding clarity in their medicine and their strengths and creating a container of work that empowers that in the world.

If you find yourself resonating with these words, and you are seeking a mentor to support you in your own growth and manifestation of the bigger vision and calling you have for your life, yourself and what you feel you are meant to create, I would love to explore if my spaces resonate for you.

You can read about my mentorship and coaching here. I include a private retreat at our ranch with the horses and this land as extra medicine and amplification of our space together.

Or if you are looking for a softer space of support, consider our year-long journey of manifestation and visioning for our community who is seeking guidance on the journey to be anchored in the deeper understanding of how to navigate through the cycles of life, stay focused on the vision and bring life to their goals. You can read about that here. Enrollment is open until December 31st.

Otherwise, you can also tune into my podcast to hear more of my sharing and wisdom from the herd and myself.

Thank you for witnessing and I hope this serves to inspire wherever you find yourself on the journey.

Love,

Hillary








Why We Have To Do the Scary Thing...

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Why do we have to do the things that scare us?

The things that open us up in the depths of the vulnerability we hold within us?

Every now and again, I am reminded of the power of doing what scares us and knowing that within that terror, we must be certain that we are on the right track because if it doesn’t scare us, it isn’t big enough.

I am known (I think) for doing big scary things--taking leaps and big risks in the name of purpose and you would assume that perhaps, I don’t get scared ever.

But I do…

The last week, I have been visited by two horses of mine, Shiva and Kali. Both were named after Hindu gods and goddess that depicts the energy and medicine of death, destruction and rebirth.

When we are holding fear, it is often an invitation into rebirth, of resetting and finding our way back to a deeper truth of authenticity and alignment within ourselves.

We get scared because we are moving closer to shedding outdated belief systems that are keeping us comfortable and there is a part of us as human beings that wants to keep safe.

But safety is an illusion that is only nurtured by fear.

I know when I am feeling scared that I am in fact on the edge of a big space of growth, an important decision and pathway for me to move forward with.

My dreams, my leadership, the purpose I hold in the world was birthed on this edge of fear and being scared, it drove me to understand that I was living out of alignment with my true nature and the space I was being moved towards and moving towards would mean change.

Transformation, shedding, leaving things behind---people, places, defaults, patterns.

We have to do the scary thing.

That might look like taking a leap towards your dream...

Moving across the country...

Changing your habits...

Acknowledging your own self worth...

Saying yes to an intuitive nudge without having any clarity or a picture of where it is taking you...

We must say yes to whatever form that is creating this feeling of fear because denying it means we are denying our own growth, our potential and the richness of the journey.

And to deny our growth means to deny our potential and to live a life in the empowerment of fear. And that’s not living or honoring our path and our journey’s.

Find what you need to support your fear. Listen to it’s wisdom and remember there is a part of you navigating alongside with you that offers a deeper space of knowing that all is well and this is where you are being called to be.



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