Owning Our Dominance

I have a big dominant mare in my field.

A 12 year old Spotted Draft mare whose presence can be as intimidating as her size.

She came into my herd in April of 2019 and immediately became the lead mare.

The other horses quickly established that this mare was not one who should be messed and so this mare in a very short time became lead.

I gave this mare the name Aponi, blackfoot for butterfly. This big and dominant mare was rescued from the wildfires and I felt her medicine held the space of transformation.

What I have learned from this mare since her arrival here is to look at my own places of wounding around how I hold my dominance and presence.


As women, we are often criticized and made wrong for holding a strong presence or opinion.

We are given horrible labels when we are too strong in opinion and presence.

Often, we walk around afraid of our impact and of standing in the fullness of who we are. Dominance is viewed as a negative.

A different perspective of dominance.

This mare has given me a lesson around what it means to be in your fullness. It is called the ownership of power. It is not bad; it is a gift and an incredibly powerful space to hold.

When Aponi stepped in the lead mare role, she was accepted in that and it created a deeper calm in the herd.

A strong leader in a herd of horses means a strong herd.  Leadership is meant to be held in authentic power and presence.  

When we disown the spaces of our own dominance we create cracks in a foundation and the spaces we hold which makes it easier for disharmony to come in.

I know this lesson well because it is one I have faced in my own world.

In my own life, I have been afraid of holding the dominance and strength of my leadership.  I am an accommodator. I want everyone to be happy and am at times afraid of rocking the boat.

I have been so afraid of others hurting me that I have given my power away compromising my own integrity and the integrity of the spaces I hold in my life and in my business.

I have been afraid of holding a strong line and of allowing myself to take up the full power of who I am in the world, because of the fear of what others may think.

The detriment of operating that way has impacted my health and well being, relationships with others in my life, the boundaries around my business, and my income.

This mare has shown me what powerful leadership and holding our dominance can do for the collective. Instead of it being harming, it often brings a harmony and a strength to the environment.

When I am strong and solid in my direction, leadership, and in my boundaries, there is calm in my world.  There is a clear knowing of myself and others are also aware of how I hold my spaces. There is minimal disturbances to my internal and external environment.

When I am fearful of being in my presence, my foundations crack and that is where chaos ensues.

Owning our dominance is not about dominating anything. It is about being in our power, having clear intention, directing our energy with clarity and having acceptance and ownership of who we become.

Owning my dominance doesn’t mean I am a dictator absent of heart or compassion for others, but failing in listening to where I am being asked to be in my full power often creates more wounding both to myself and those in my environment.

What if we gave ourselves as women a deeper permission?

To look at our dominance and call to rise into strong leadership as a gift to the spaces we hold. Appreciating that when we do this, we create a greater certainty and harmony in our world.

It is also another reminder that existing from a place of giving our power away to others does not hold our integrity or theirs.  

When we are operating from a place of pleasing others, or taking in the judgement of others of being too big, or too strong, we are placing their word above our own truth.  There is no integrity in that way of being.

What if you allowed yourself to witness the strength in who you are as a gift, a promise and a way of honoring yourself?

What if you saw it as a positive and that the benefits of being in your strength and owning your full presence paves the way for others to do the same.

This big powerful mare was not ashamed nor ostracized from the herd for her dominance. She was embraced and respected for it.

Without ego, horses understand the value and the importance of strong leader and where dominance is looked at as a way of maintaining a way of harmony, not chaos or negativity.

As women, there is nothing more transformative or healing for us to take ownership of our power.

Let this be a place of permission of letting that place inside of you that is wanting to roar in her strength to be heard.

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