I was reminded of something today...
Something called Life.
It happens. It unfolds. It is not bias to whom it visits. Your status, your job, who you are and what you do don’t matter.
It creeps in unexpectedly, sometimes making a big mess, almost never happening with convenience.
Sometimes life shows up as an unexpected turn of events in your career, in your practice, with a client...
Sometimes life shows up in form of a breakup, or a meeting with someone who shakes up your world...
Sometimes life shows up in the form of death, heartbreaking and brutal, tragic and unyielding in how it impacts us and everything we hold dear to our life...
Sometimes life shows up as a natural disaster, taking our homes, or possessions with it...
Sometimes life can be messy and terrible, horrific and unfair and sometimes life can be sweet and wild and full of dreams...
But it is life.
There have been moments in my own journey where I thought that I could be immune to life, that if I pray really hard, to be really good and pure in my thoughts and intentions, if I show up and am kind that I could bypass the terrible things that could happen.
Turns out that isn’t true.
When I moved onto my ranch – this beautiful dream of mine that I held as a little girl – I had a fantasy of how things will unfold.
I should have known better, having lived a few years on this earth, but I forgot.
Within a couple of months of me moving here, I lost one of my elder horses to natural causes of death that was a bit traumatic and it shattered me.
The stress of moving, of expanding my business, compounded with the death of my horse had my reeling.
I took it really personal. Like really personal... Wondering if it had been my fault, if I had done something wrong, or swayed off my course of being all enlightened and wonderful due to stress.
I took it as a sign that my life was going to spiral and I went down the staircase with it.
The truth was...
It wasn’t personal. It was life being life, because life does that.
Life is chaotic, and it always will be, no matter how enlightened we think we are, or how solid we believe ourselves to be in our truths and in our self-mastery.
Life doesn’t ever stop being life.
But here is what can happen….
We can embrace the journey a little bit more deeply. We can hold ourselves with a little bit more grace, holding our center in the midst of the storm.
I know – as someone who works on self awareness and personal growth deeply with devotion as I have for the last 15 years of my life – the goal is not to be unaffected, or to be passed by never to be impacted by things again.
That is not realistic.
The goal is how quickly can I find my center again, return to grace, yield myself to a higher perspective and catch myself before I fall down how many flights of stairs a turn of life may take me tumbling down.
We are human.
I am human.
You are human.
This means shit happens sometimes. And it is not because we didn’t try enough, or think enough positive thoughts or believe enough in who we are.
It is because it is the natural course of things.
Stop blaming yourself.
I remember years ago, after the death of my first horse I had to put down, how dark I went to the place of blame.
An older horse that I had adopted due to his injuries he would eventually succumb to, I wondered if I had done enough.
And each time I would worry about something potentially happening to one of my horses, or my business I would think to myself how it would be my fault.
Until one day this thought entered into my head:
"I am not god."
How silly of me to believe that I had any control over life and death, because I don’t.
And, yes, being a caretaker for animals means I have to be responsible for their care, but beyond that?
I am not god.
I am not in control of life or death as much as I am not in control of the weather or whether I get older each year or not.
I am not.
You are not.
We are not.
Sometimes I have a moment of catching myself where I am trying to play god, which looks like blaming myself for when life happens, falling down a staircase of not enough, and taking life personally when it happens to me.
And in those moments...
I come back to this:
Life is being life.
I can surrender to this and trust there is good that comes of it.
I can ask myself what am I learning and how am I growing through this.
I can test my own strength and resolve in my center and my ability to recover back to my deepest truths.
Or how fast I am able to access a deeper consciousness within myself.
It is where I can hold my stake in the ground for remembering through each tunnel there is a light and this is leading me somewhere good even if I can’t see it right now.
Where I lean on the ones I love around me and be grateful for how much I do have in my life still.
Where I can surrender myself to the truth that I am not in control and that is a good thing and maybe this is an exercise of trust and expanding my limits of what I think I can be with.
I am certain of this as well...
Each year that goes by, each moment, each decade will offer something to me that will test me, that will challenge my beliefs and my faith, that will have me wonder what I did to deserve this, either good or what I think is not good.
Where I will be faced with transition and change, heartbreak and sorrow, happiness and joy all in one breadth and space.
This never ends.
And it is not meant to.
If you are finding yourself in this moment experiencing life – either in its challenge or in its beauty – take a moment to get still.
Let go of the noise, take notice of where your thoughts are going, what they are empowering you with.
Take a breath, let it out, do it again.
Life is being life.
You didn’t do anything to create this moment.
It is not your complete fault.
You did nothing wrong.
This isn’t about any of that.
This is about you being present to the fullness of life, because we get to do that as humans.
And, yes, there are some experiences that are going to be easier to be with than others, but what fun would that be?
If this feels hard... Remember, this too shall pass.
Get all your angels on board, take a nap, find your center, go outside, solution will come, a new pathway will emerge... It always does.
And you can be with this, too.
And don’t forget...
In the midst of life being life we forget that there is something else still around the corner you are journeying towards.
Trust life, trust your soul to guide you, have faith, and remember:
You got this.