I was reminded of something today:
The power of stay.
I learned about the stay during a 10-month leadership development program I attended through the Coach Training Institute in 2012 and it has been one of the most useful tools I have been introduced to that I still use and teach through to this day.
How often do we stay?
Stay with ourselves?
Stay in discomfort?
Stay in the journey?
Stay in relationship?
Stay in the hard conversations?
Staying isn’t always the easy thing to do. In fact, it is often the thing that takes the most strength.
Here is what our default often is:
Things get hard, uncomfortable, frustrating, and our first tendency is to bail because staying feels like the most counter intuitive thing to do and we want to avoid pain at all costs.
Here is the thing:
In staying, we are actually landing more deeply in ourselves, we are aligning ourselves to a deeper trust in ourselves, a deeper commitment to our path and an honoring of the journey.
We are short sighted as human beings, we want results, outcomes and we want to see them now.
Rarely do we see the path as it really is, and rarely do we remember the bigger purpose and vision that we are moving towards.
We don’t walk through dark tunnels never to make it on the other side, but sometimes that dark tunnel is the exact path we need to take to get to where we are so desperately wanting to go, where our greatest hopes and our dreams for ourselves, our lives, our businesses are waiting.
The intentions we set, the prayers we send out, the goals we create are going through that tunnel of discomfort and fear, and our job is to stay with that journey and not bail before we get to the end.
Because there is an end.
Last year I bought a ranch.
I was on a high going into it having manifested and made it happen coming off a year before of absolute dismal and discomfort in myself and in my business.
I finally hit profit in my coaching practice in person and with the experiences I held with the horses. I was high in my confidence and belief in myself hitting the 6-figure mark doing what I love for the first time since I had embarked on this journey of entrepreneurship.
So when this beautiful stunning million dollar ranch showed up in my email box, I leapt with all the confidence and faith in the world. There was also some pretty deep fears there as well.
I was expecting an expansion of my success, I had big lofty goals for my first year, I was certain they would happen.
Well... They didn’t.
In fact, 2016 turned out to be one the most challenging and hardest of my life. I was unprepared for the realities of the bigness of expansion of a big property, a new aspect of my business, the greater responsibility that went along with it, staff, greater expenses and what it took of me to hold it all.
I crashed and burned a few times and I also abandoned myself pretty hard.
It was the first time in a couple of years where I seriously questioned myself, my ability and where I wondered if I was insane to think I could do this.
I threatened to quit, I had temper tantrums where I got angry at the universe for putting me here and then leaving me.
And underneath that was a fear of watching myself go down this spiral of hopelessness and lost confidence.
What was a pivotal moment for me, I was walking my land one day, saying my prayers, looking anywhere to find some sort of semblance of clarity and belief in myself when I looked up to the sky and said, "I am still here."
I am good at the stay… You have to be when you are building big dreams. They don’t happen overnight. And I will tell you what was the hardest part of my first year at the ranch.
It wasn’t that things were challenging, the learning curve big.
It was the loss I felt in myself.
I lost the stay…. And it was terrifying.
When we don’t stay, we are leaving a void, we are not present to ourselves, there is nothing for things to anchor into because we are not there.
Miracles, manifestations, possibilities don’t happen when we don’t show up.
And we forget that. I forgot that.
Discomfort doesn’t mean failure.
It doesn’t meant we are on the wrong path, or in the wrong relationship.
Discomfort means there is growth, there is expansion and, often, on the other side of that is the desire we are consciously or unconsciously reaching towards.
Staying with that process with ourselves means we are saying, "I trust the journey. I have faith that there is something on the other side, so I am going to hold the vision and surrender to the process."
When I remember this, I get curious.
Because discomfort often means growth, which often means we are being equipped with the wisdom and the tools to prepare us for what is to come.
If I never learned about boundaries, I would have not been able to hold space for the things I do, and let me tell you, my journey with boundaries has not always been a fun game.
However, I can make a clear connection between this growth and with the positive expansion of myself and my business.
There is a purpose to the discomfort.
Stay curious, stay open and stay aware.
Life becomes more painful when we abandon it and abandon ourselves in the process, because we are cutting ourselves off from a deeper part of ourselves that is waiting for us to seek it out.
Stay is when we open, we become available for the witnessing of our own magic, the depth of our wisdom and the realization of our dreams.
When I feel pain, when I feel fear, when I am worrying, when I can’t seem to understand or fathom for the life of me why I am in this god forsaken tunnel of discomfort, I often say to myself…. "If I can’t do anything else, I at least can stay present and curious to myself to this journey as a way to declare my devotion to my path and to my purpose so the universe knows I am serious."
It is in these moments where I am forgetting, that I am disconnected or dissociated from myself, my journey and my dreams.
When I come back to myself, when I lean into the stay, I can be present to a pulse and a tug of my wiser self that says it is ok follow me, where I can be open to the wisdom, take it in with a trust that is serving my path forward and I can continue taking the steps.
Where I remember this tunnel is my path, it is the journey to the other side where I am being informed, given the tools, the training the strengthening I need to be prepared and available for what is on the other side.
Our tendency is to abandon our fears and places of discomfort and I am asking you, create space for you to stay in them, see them through, go deeper, let yourself be reminded of the greater path that you are on, and to have the faith and the trust in yourself and the journey that you are being lead on.
Because whether you are conscious of it or not…
You are here because some part of you lead you here, because you asked for it, because it is where you need to get to where you want to be.
Staying means you are living in faith of yourself, you are empowering your resilience, strength of vision and courage and it also means you know that there is something else waiting for you.
What if instead of being afraid of our pain and our discomfort, we recognized what it was in service of and embraced it and stuck around in curiosity to see what gem is on the other side of it?
Staying with you….